It's been almost a month of officially being on the double lung transplant list. Although  it feels like an eternity and that time is passing slower then ever, I continue to consciously remind myself that every day in passing is another day closer to being able to breathe. Until then, i'll miss doing all the things a normal 20 year old woman does. While all my friends are partying, working, attending university and achieving their goals and dreams - I'm sitting at home on a constant, counting my  tablets for the week and learning about new medications I've recently been put on, doing nebulisers, listening to my oxygen pumping whilst it keeps me alive... and the only thing I'm attending is doctors appointments.

I do my makeup to pass the time - as if I'm going out for the night -  and as a beauty therapist and makeup artist, it's one of my biggest passions and although i can't work anymore, I still continue to try and evolve in the industry and keep up with the modernisation of changes - and to be honest, it makes me feel good and it helps me hide whats truly beneath it all. It's 12.14am and my eyes feel like they want to sleep, yet my body is aching from my head to my ankles and honestly, I just don't want to sleep at all. With every cough my body jerks forward, in an attempt to help my muscle pain. My chest almost constantly feels like its being stabbed with multiple needs. My back is stiff and my shoulders are tense. My sinuses are blocked and my nose is dry from the constant oxygen. Drinking takes my breath away, and getting dressed makes me feel like I've just finished training for the olympics. I roll my neck in attempt to un-stiffen it and look down at my arms and how tiny they are from the constant loss of weight due to lack of appetite and my bodies deterioration. It seems that makeup is my perfect disguise

Ive always believed that you are only as strong as you allow yourself to be. So never be discouraged, never lose determination and focus on what lies ahead. I won't come all this way to leave without the victory.